Not a Momma

My friends are segregated. I have one group of friends made up of bohemians that do not have children and one group of non-bohemian friends that do. Conversations with each group are fun. They each have their own sense of humor, interests, and knowledge base.

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The childless group is largely made up of musicians and artists in their late 30’s to early 50’s.  They are not anti-children, just grateful that they don’t have them. They are all able to make fantastic sacrifices to follow their artistic dreams. If they had children, they would not be able to take as many risks.

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In the baby-filled group, I am the only childless adult. These folks generally work conventional jobs, are not very artistic (although they may have ability they haven’t discovered), and are generally really good parents.

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As you may expect, I prefer to spend time with the childless group of friends- but maybe not for the reasons you’d expect. I prefer the childless couples because when we are together, hanging out, laughing, talking, emoting, there are no distractions. I am able to become emotionally vulnerable around them because that moment, that setting, that room is all that matters.

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It’s not the same with the other group. When we go out without the children, I can’t become emotionally open or vulnerable because I always have a sneaking suspicion that they don’t care. I mean, I know they care…but then, their cell phone rings. It’s young son Charles, or young daughter Sarah. “What’s for Dinner?” “When are you coming home?” “Can I play outside?” The conversation abruptly ends as the interloper takes over. Even when there is no call, there is always a preoccupation in the parent’s eyes. “Should I call home?” “Is everything going alright without me?” “Has baby taken his morning poopie?”

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It makes me feel isolated. Like a third wheel. Do the parents feel this? Do they feel emotionally excluded? How do we fix this?

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